shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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