The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
