I need help removing her.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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