: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
