i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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