He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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