I wish I could teleport
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
