Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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