She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
