I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
