Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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