sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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