Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
