i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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