You just made me feel so damn special
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
