This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
