Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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