Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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