I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
