I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
