It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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