I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
