Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
