it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
