then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
