i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
