did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just found puke in my bra..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
