just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else