Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
