is your mom at the bar?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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