Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
