One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
