Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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