um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
