...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize