Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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