Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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