Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
