there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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