Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sorry about my life...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
