when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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