My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
