I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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