I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
