I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
