My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
