it was like eating out sand paper
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
