I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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