Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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