apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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