my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
