chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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