I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
