"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
