Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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