I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Randomize
