You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I need a beard to bite.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
