Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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