Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
