I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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