shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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