You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
