good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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