that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
