took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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