Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
