why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
