I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
