Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
