So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
