i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
