i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
