so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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