I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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