Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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