he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
