Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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