He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
