so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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