OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
